Tuesday, January 16, 2007
A little bit of co-sleeping
Before our baby was born I already read about co-sleeping; letting your child sleep in the parents (in this case: our) bed. This is part of the attachment parenting philosophy, which states that you have to keep your baby as close as possible.
Co-sleeping isn't just applicable for kids, but also for babies. At first we were scared about the possibility of rolling over the baby at sleep. Mainstream Western pediatrics point out to that danger, while in the non-Western world co-sleeping is the standard. To be on the safe side, I didn't want to let the baby sleep in our bed. But in the last month we tried to take a different approach.
We already have our baby in a crib alongside the bed to keep our baby as close as possible. We think that this greatly helps in the bonding. Furthermore: my wife can react fast when our baby starts to cry. But sometimes our little girl just doesn't want to be alone in the crib. Or at least: it seems. Sometimes we can stop her fussing by giving milk, but on some times we seem to have no other option but to put her between us in bed. It will not calm her in an instant, but she will eventually get sleepy and go to Slumberland.
The first time she slept between us, I presumed that my wife would eventually pick up the baby and put her back in the crib. That seems naive, but she has a hard time to go to sleep before the baby does. Well, my wife figured that everything was just fine and didn't re-locate the baby. So you can imagine how surprised I was, when I saw our little girl still in our bed, when I opened my eyes on 4:00h.
Although nothing happened and our baby wasn't squashed by one of us, it didn't feel right. That was a feeling I didn't expect, because co-sleeping still feels like a very tempting thing to do. My wife reassured me about the safety of the situation by telling I was noticeably more aware of the fact that there was a baby next to me. Well, I must say: i can't remember rolling over my wife or slapping her in my sleep, so why would it be different with a baby although it sleeps a bit nearer to me than my wife.
I'm still not sure what's best, but for now I will take the middle way: we will only have our little girl in bed, if there's no other efficient way to make her go to sleep. That is: if singing lullabies and giving breast milk doesn't make her go to sleep, we'll put her in our bed. We will put her back in the crib if we should wake up in the middle of the night, but it's also ok if the three of us keep on sleeping until morning.
So we're not making a habit of it. yet. Our baby is getting older so everyday co-sleeping is getting less and less an issue of safety and more an issue of preference/privacy.
Co-sleeping isn't just applicable for kids, but also for babies. At first we were scared about the possibility of rolling over the baby at sleep. Mainstream Western pediatrics point out to that danger, while in the non-Western world co-sleeping is the standard. To be on the safe side, I didn't want to let the baby sleep in our bed. But in the last month we tried to take a different approach.
We already have our baby in a crib alongside the bed to keep our baby as close as possible. We think that this greatly helps in the bonding. Furthermore: my wife can react fast when our baby starts to cry. But sometimes our little girl just doesn't want to be alone in the crib. Or at least: it seems. Sometimes we can stop her fussing by giving milk, but on some times we seem to have no other option but to put her between us in bed. It will not calm her in an instant, but she will eventually get sleepy and go to Slumberland.
The first time she slept between us, I presumed that my wife would eventually pick up the baby and put her back in the crib. That seems naive, but she has a hard time to go to sleep before the baby does. Well, my wife figured that everything was just fine and didn't re-locate the baby. So you can imagine how surprised I was, when I saw our little girl still in our bed, when I opened my eyes on 4:00h.
Although nothing happened and our baby wasn't squashed by one of us, it didn't feel right. That was a feeling I didn't expect, because co-sleeping still feels like a very tempting thing to do. My wife reassured me about the safety of the situation by telling I was noticeably more aware of the fact that there was a baby next to me. Well, I must say: i can't remember rolling over my wife or slapping her in my sleep, so why would it be different with a baby although it sleeps a bit nearer to me than my wife.
I'm still not sure what's best, but for now I will take the middle way: we will only have our little girl in bed, if there's no other efficient way to make her go to sleep. That is: if singing lullabies and giving breast milk doesn't make her go to sleep, we'll put her in our bed. We will put her back in the crib if we should wake up in the middle of the night, but it's also ok if the three of us keep on sleeping until morning.
So we're not making a habit of it. yet. Our baby is getting older so everyday co-sleeping is getting less and less an issue of safety and more an issue of preference/privacy.
Labels: babies, co-sleeping, newborn, sleeping
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In any relationship, intimacy and appreciation are key. But what happens when your efforts to connect go unnoticed? It’s not that your partner ignores your bids for affection, but rather, they don’t seem to understand them.
The truth is that we all give love differently. And on some level, we all expect our partners to see things the way we do; specifically, we expect them to find the same gestures meaningful. As a result, we might ignore thoughtful, generous attempts to give love—just because their choices are unlike ones we might’ve made ourselves.
The good news is that Gary Chapman’s Love Languages can help. When you understand your own love language, you gain the vocabulary to express your needs to others. And when you understand a friend or partner’s love language, you gain the ability to see the meaning and love behind their gestures.
The result is a healthier, happier relationship dynamic. Using love languages, two people can appreciate one another’s unique romantic style. And even better, they can try to give love in ways their partner will appreciate, too. So what are the 5 love languages? By describing desires and habits of individuals in each group, we’ll unpack the love languages in depth below.
Words of affirmation. These are people who crave verbal connection; they're all about communication. If your love language is words of affirmation, then you like others to describe their feelings to you in detail, compliment you regularly, and offer comforting words when you’re upset.
You love: Love letters, good-morning texts, emotional confessions, specific compliments, and regular calls.
Physical touch. These people feel that physical intimacy is the best way to show affection. If your love language is physical touch, you may be sensual by nature. Your appreciation is by no means limited to sex, and you probably love any physical affection from your partner.
You love: long hugs, forehead kisses, throwing an arm over the shoulder, touching even while you do different things, and cuddling.
Quality time. These people believe that spending time with loved ones is the most meaningful way to connect. If your love language is quality time, you appreciate a person’s willingness to make time in a busy schedule and see this as a reflection of real love.
You love: laughing together, vacationing together, taking plans seriously (and never canceling them), and dedicating time to each other consistently.
Gifts. To these people, thoughtful, concrete gestures are the most meaningful form of affection. The gift can be small or big, cheap or expensive—that’s not their focus.[6] Instead, they just crave physical tokens of a friend or partner’s appreciation.
You love: having a bouquet of flowers waiting at home, your favorite candy added to the grocery list, nice jewelry on big occasions, having your dinner paid for on date night, and heartfelt, homemade gifts (like a scrapbook).
Acts of service. These people appreciate hard work and dedicated time. They love when a partner goes out of their way to make their lives better, and they believe that in love, you have to walk the walk—not just talk the talk.
You love: when a partner vacuums, does errands, folds laundry, helps you prepare for an interview, helps you tackle a major life event (like a move), or cooks your favorite meal.
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