Before our baby was born I already read about co-sleeping; letting your child sleep in the parents (in this case: our) bed. This is part of the attachment parenting philosophy, which states that you have to keep your baby as close as possible.

Co-sleeping isn't just applicable for kids, but also for babies. At first we were scared about the possibility of rolling over the baby at sleep. Mainstream Western pediatrics point out to that danger, while in the non-Western world co-sleeping is the standard. To be on the safe side, I didn't want to let the baby sleep in our bed. But in the last month we tried to take a different approach.

We already have our baby in a crib alongside the bed to keep our baby as close as possible. We think that this greatly helps in the bonding. Furthermore: my wife can react fast when our baby starts to cry. But sometimes our little girl just doesn't want to be alone in the crib. Or at least: it seems. Sometimes we can stop her fussing by giving milk, but on some times we seem to have no other option but to put her between us in bed. It will not calm her in an instant, but she will eventually get sleepy and go to Slumberland.

The first time she slept between us, I presumed that my wife would eventually pick up the baby and put her back in the crib. That seems naive, but she has a hard time to go to sleep before the baby does. Well, my wife figured that everything was just fine and didn't re-locate the baby. So you can imagine how surprised I was, when I saw our little girl still in our bed, when I opened my eyes on 4:00h.

Although nothing happened and our baby wasn't squashed by one of us, it didn't feel right. That was a feeling I didn't expect, because co-sleeping still feels like a very tempting thing to do. My wife reassured me about the safety of the situation by telling I was noticeably more aware of the fact that there was a baby next to me. Well, I must say: i can't remember rolling over my wife or slapping her in my sleep, so why would it be different with a baby although it sleeps a bit nearer to me than my wife.

I'm still not sure what's best, but for now I will take the middle way: we will only have our little girl in bed, if there's no other efficient way to make her go to sleep. That is: if singing lullabies and giving breast milk doesn't make her go to sleep, we'll put her in our bed. We will put her back in the crib if we should wake up in the middle of the night, but it's also ok if the three of us keep on sleeping until morning.

So we're not making a habit of it. yet. Our baby is getting older so everyday co-sleeping is getting less and less an issue of safety and more an issue of preference/privacy.

Labels: babies, co-sleeping, newborn, sleeping

Yup, you've read that title right. We have a lot of trouble to get our 4 month-old girl to sleep. She just doesn't want to go to sleep and tries to resist the temptation to sleep. And what's more: just before she gets to sleep, she's even angry about the fact that she's drowsy. This 'fight' against her sleep can take any time from 15 minutes (at best!) to an hour or more.

But her exposition of character doesn't stop there. She hates to be put in bed because she knows that that should be her cue to go to sleep. That results in even harder protests. This makes it hard for us to see if she's really tired or not. To make it more confusing: she can get so angry that she keeps herself awake. And finally my wife imposed a no-crying policy, so she always has to deal with this protesting little girl.

Since she can keep herself up at night until it's our turn to go to bed, the three of us go to bed at the same time. We lay our little girl in bed, with no success of course. Last night I let her fuss in her little bed, while I brushed my teeth. It then occured to me that she stopped crying right at the moment I switched on the electric toothbrush. The white noise keeps her mind of of her fight with her sleep

When were all in bed and ready to go to sleep, our little girl was still loudly protesting. We tried all kinds of things, but nothing seemed to do the job. I already jokingly offered my wife my electric toothbrush to keep her quiet. At first she laughed and refused my offer, but after about 40 minutes she was ready for any proposal. And yes, as soon as she switched on the brush, it caught the attention of our baby girl. Well that's at least something!

We put the toothbrush under her bed and tried to go to sleep. And it worked! Well, more or less. Our baby finally went to sleep after some time, but the noise kept my wife awake. But we at least had some tool to keep our baby quiet! So I went to sleep with the comforting thought that I maybe had the solution to our problem. As strange as the solution may be, nothing is strange anymore at 1:00 in the night. Everything that works is welcomed then.

The next night our baby was fighting with her sleep again. But now we had our secret weapon: the electric toothbrush. Though my wife was reluctant to use it, since the harsh noise kept her up, I insisted on using it again. But no, my hope was brutally smashed. Our little girl was quiet at first but after 5 minutes she cried again. So much for alternative solutions. I guess we have to look for another solution or accept this phase of hers for now...

Labels: sleeping, tips

When we were buying furniture for the babyroom, we decided that the baby should be sleeping in the nursery. I checked with a few people and they all have done that. In fact: it's standard practice in the Western world. So it appeared to be a no-brainer for us. But since we saw an item on tv about "natural parenting" we started doubting.

One of the aspects of natural parenting is co-sleeping. Having your baby in bed seems logical. You have the baby close to you and it's very handy when you're breast feeding the child. But the closeness also comes with safety issues. Although I couldn't find conclusive data on it, I wouldn't want to risk the baby being smothered by a pillow. Or even worse: being smothered by my own body, when rolling on the baby while sleeping. Although this (alleged) risk is enough to keep the baby out of our bed, there are also some more situations when co-sleeping is unsafe:

• When you used alcohol or drugs (duh!)
• When you are stressed or very tired
• When you're extreme obese
• It is very unhealthy for the baby when you're a smoker. Even if you don't smoke in bed. The evidence isn't solid, but it should raise the chance of a sudden death.
• The blanket shouldn't be too heavy, too warm or too cold
  

Now then. That was the why-I-wouldn't-do-co-sleeping part. I am convinced why I shouldn't do it, but I still want to keep the baby as close as possible. I want to keep an eye on it and the closeness is also good for the baby. I could buy some stuff that could make a co-sleeping situation safer, but there is no law that those tools have to be tested. So you can't be sure that your baby is safer when you use these tools.

So the next best thing is having a crib next to the bed. We bought one that cannot rock. That way my wife cannot unintentionally rock the crib while getting out of the bed because she has to go to the toilet or to breast feed the baby.

• Some helpful tips on making co-sleeping safer
• Co-sleeping, a personal story (from parentingideas.org with more tips on co-sleeping)
• Wikipedia on co-sleeping
  
• Consument en veiligheid (in Dutch, as you can see)
  

Labels: sleeping